With Spring finally in full bloom, it’s the perfect time to see what Hollywood has in store for all you avid cinephiles. Scroll down to see what’s coming soon to a theater near you and a personal recommendation from yours truly.
– Noah Orent
Image by: IMDB
April
| Date of Release | Title | Director | Recommend? |
|
14 |
The Fate of the Furious | F. Gary Gray | The thing about film franchises is that, after a while, people ask: “Why did they have to make another one?” Case in point: the latest Fast and the Furious film. |
| Spark | Aaron Woodley | Words cannot describe how childishly silly this is. For all you parents out there, don’t take your kids to see this piece of schlock. No matter how much they beg you, don’t see this schlockfest. | |
| The Lost City of Z | James Gray | With a story drenched in suspense, the trailer for this film will leave you dying to know more about Percival Fawcett and the mysterious lost city. | |
| My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea | Dash Shaw | There are certain films that end up missing the mark. You may disagree, but I think this film, with a plot too impossible to believe, misses the mark. | |
| The Outcasts | Peter Hutchings | This teen drama, which is filled with cliches, is appealing but only from a distance. It’s so by the numbers that the trailer is the only thing you should bother seeing. | |
|
21 |
Unforgettable |
Denise Di Novi |
I can sum up Katherine Heigl’s latest film in a single word: predictable. There are just so many cliches that it turns you off the minute you figure out the plot. |
| Free Fire | Ben Wheatley | To be blunt, this film could pass for a stage play. It nails the action and comedy, leaving you on the edge of your seat. | |
| The Promise | Terry George | Setting a fictional story against the backdrop of a real-life event can be a difficult task. This film fails said task in such a spectacular fashion that it’s more suited for the miniseries format. | |
| 28 | The Circle | James Ponsoldt | With a trailer that creates a world where the issue of mass surveillance is a reality, and the promise of Tom Hanks playing a villain, The Circle will leave you wanting more. |
| How to Be a Latin Lover | Ken Marino | The humor is so stupid that it’s unbearable to even think about going to see this film. | |
| Sleight | J.D. Dillard | As an unwritten rule, critics never give away the plot. With this film, it’s virtually impossible to figure out the plot. |
May
| Date of Release | Name | Director | Recommend? |
|
5 |
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 | James Gunn | While some critics may wax lyrical about this film, I choose to point out the three things that really caught my eye: the perfect blend of comedy and action, the stunning visuals, and Kurt Russell as Peter Quill’s father. |
| The Lovers | Azazel Jacobs | The plot is so simplistic yet, at the same time, so beautiful that one can’t help but fall in love with it. | |
| Three Generations | Gaby Dellal | While I admire the film’s cast of veteran actors and applaud its universal message of love, I feel the plot is a bit muddy in certain spots. Still, I feel it’s a good film to watch with your family. | |
| 12 | King Arthur: Legend of the Sword | Guy Ritchie | With all the reboots and reimaginings out there, it irks me that Hollywood won’t quit. The only thing I can say about this unpalatable mess is don’t see it. |
| Snatched | Jonathan Levine | Both Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn are very talented women, but said talent really deserves to be showcased in a film that isn’t Snatched. The film is so stupid that your great-grandparents, if you decided to take them to see this bizarre concoction of cliches and crude humor, will hate it. | |
| Lowriders | Ricardo de Montreuil | There is nothing much I can say about this film. Only that it is derivative of films that are far more original. While I admire Ricardo de Montreuil’s commitment to the craft, I honestly feel he could have done better and made a film with a trailer that really wowed me. | |
| The Wall | Doug Liman | Much like the 2013 sci-fi adventure film Gravity, The Wall has a cast of only two actors. Unlike Gravity, however, this film is a story about the human spirit and the determination to keep fighting, no matter the odds. | |
| 19 | Alien: Covenant | Ridley Scott | While the prequel film Prometheus left me with too many unanswered questions, I am confident Covenant will answer those questions and wow viewers in the process. |
| Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul | David Bowers | The popular book series may be a good read, but they are not the best film choice. Each one has been more stupid than the last and this installment is a shining example of why some books are best left alone. | |
| Everything, Everything | Stella Meghie | The story of star-crossed lovers is one of the most popular, but it is also one of the most overused. This film is but the latest attempt…and a sad one at that. | |
| 26 | Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales | Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg | Film franchises may start out strong, but they lose their appeal as the years go by. The Pirates franchise lost its appeal a long, long time ago. Why they made a fifth film is beyond me. |
| Baywatch | Seth Gordon | With the action-comedy genre, there’s a fine line between silliness and stupidity. This film, I am sad to say, crosses that line. The only reason I am recommending it is because femme fatale Priyanka Chopra is so good that you will love hating her. |
June
| Date of Release | Name | Director | Recommend? |
| 2 | Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie | David Soren and Rob Letterman | As far as stupidity goes, this film is, by far, the stupidest movie I have ever seen in my life. And that’s all I have to say. |
| Wonder Woman | Patty Jenkins | The reason Man of Steel and Dawn of Justice failed is because they retold the same old story. Wonder Woman looks to change that. I personally have mixed feelings, but one can only hope this film does real justice to the DC Comics heroine. | |
| Dean | Demetri Martin | This is a film with a plot that, while simplistic, serves as a reminder that life can be unpredictable and beautiful at the same time. | |
|
9 |
The Mummy |
Alex Kurtzman |
The Mummy is one of Universal Studios’ most iconic monsters and I personally admire the decision to make this Mummy a woman. But I have mixed emotions about both the story and the decision to reboot all the Universal Monster movies. |
| It Comes at Night |
Trey Edward Shults |
The trailer for this film does not reveal much information, but it does leave you with a strong sense of dread as you watch and wonder what is occurring in this house of horrors. | |
|
My Cousin Rachel |
Roger Michell | Adapted from the novel by Daphne du Maurier, My Cousin Rachel is a film about perception. And when you walk out of the theater, I have no doubt your perceptions will be so distorted you won’t be able to tell what just happened. | |
| Megan Leavey | Gabriela Cowperthwaite | Megan Leavey’s story is one that will really tug at your heartstrings and Kate Mara gives a good performance, but I feel that it is more suited for the television movie department and not for the film department. | |
| 16 | Cars 3 | Brian Fee | Little is known about Cars 3 at this point, but the teaser trailer leaves you asking one simple question: “What happens to Lightning McQueen?” |
| Rough Night | Lucia Aniello | I personally feel sorry for this film’s leading ladies. They all deserve better than a film with a morbid plot and a sense of humor that is crude to the extreme. | |
| All Eyez on Me | Benny Boom | Tupac Shakur is one of the most celebrated men in the world. This biopic not only pays tribute to a gifted life cut too short, but also celebrates all the good he has done and all the good he continues to do in spirit. | |
| The Book of Henry | Colin Trevorrow | While the trio of Naomi Watts, Jacob Tremblay, and Jaeden Lieberher are engaging, the premise is a bit disturbing. Should an eleven-year-old even be thinking about this at his age? | |
| 23 | Transformers: The Last Knight |
Michael Bay |
I have personally seen every single installment in this franchise and am bored to death every single time. My advice to you is this: Don’t see this film and take your friends to see something more innovative. |
| 47 Meters Down |
Johannes Roberts |
The moment I saw the trailer, I was reminded of The Shallows, a film all-too-similar to this. That’s all I have to say. | |
| The Beguiled | Sofia Coppola | The plot alone, which takes good old Southern hospitality and twists it into something ugly, is enough to reel you in like a fish on a line. | |
| The Big Sick | Michael Showalter | There are films that take a 360-degree turn when you least expect. This particular film, which starts out as a rom-com and suddenly turns into a romantic drama, is one of those films. And it’s not only beautiful, but heartbreaking to watch. | |
| 30 | Despicable Me 3 |
Pierre Coffin and Kyle Balda |
While the Despicable Me films are always a thrill to watch, I would avoid seeing this film as the franchise is showing signs of repetitiveness. |
| The House |
Andrew J. Cohen |
In Hollywood, there are two types of bad movies. There’s funny bad and there’s stupid bad. This movie falls into the latter category. | |
|
Amityville: The Awakening |
Franck Khalfoun |
While the story of the Amityville house is one that will keep you up at night, it has been in so many films that I have lost count and interest. |
I have no doubt you will form your opinions long after you buy tickets for whatever you choose to see, but be sure to make your viewing experience a memorable one. See you at the movies!
– N.O.
