If there is any word that Pre-Millennial generations would be baffled by, it is the term “situationship”. Urban dictionary defines the term “situationship” as “A relationship that has no label on it. Like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.”
Here’s some background; my dating life has been…lackluster. Either I’ve been attracted to the person and the other hadn’t reciprocated my feelings, or the complete flip of this scenario. I’ve also dated a series of men that were sweet if boring, or men that made me question why I bothered dating anyway. Which leads me to my current…situationship.
Out of boredom, I rejoined a few dating apps. Currently, I’m out of bounds for matching up with men who live near my home, so I set my matches to the New York City area. As with almost every other dating app metric, a few outliers were mixed in with the New York City men. Which was how I ended up swiping on a guy, only to later double-click on the profile and realized my match lived in London. When I relayed this fact later to my friends, they were completely unsurprised to hear this happened to me.
The exchange started off with a few messages, which led to my asking for his IG, which led to an IG video chat session that surprisingly lasted four hours. For reference, I tend to cap out dates at an hour if they are unsuccessful, so for a conversation, to last four hours is somewhat shocking. Even more surprising was that for pretty much every day this week we’ve been texting or video chatting with each other. A Baby Boomer may be mystified by the idea that a prolonged conversation with another person is rare, but for any Millennial whose dating life began around the rise of dating-app culture, it’s pretty relatable.
The person I’m talking to, let’s call him ‘British Boi’, is essentially a weirdly close approximation of what I’m looking for in my dating life; has a pleasantly deep voice, sarcastic but witty sense of humor, a good mix between flirty and serious conversation topics. We both come from immigrant families and are both self-isolating with said family members, so we share some similar complaints and concerns.
A few things I enjoy about our exchanges are:
- It’s refreshing to talk to another person outside of your family, friends, and work circle. Opportunities to talk to new people are few and far in between these days, so getting the chance to learn about another person is fun and a pleasant distraction.
- It’s a necessary distraction. It may seem trivial to be thinking about dating or flirting right now, but social interaction, including flirting, is a necessary part of life for many people.
- I would be lying if I said it’s nice to have a reminder that I’m attractive (to other people) and simply nice to have someone to flirt with.
There are a few hidden benefits to dating during the self-isolation period:
- You don’t have to worry about your appearance the way you would during a normal date.
- You’re more likely to be upfront with another person in a way you perhaps wouldn’t normally be with someone you just started dating.
- You put up with a lot less BS. There is barely time to talk to the people you do enjoy talking to with everything going on, so why fuss with people you can’t be bothered with?
- Since hooking up is essentially impossible for the time being (in my case especially, with the other person living in an entirely different country), you have the opportunity to learn about the other person without letting physical touch be a distraction or hindrance.
At this point in time, my biggest priorities are my family and friends staying safe and healthy, figuring out employment and other life details, and trying to maintain my own physical and mental health. At this point in time, I have no idea if British Boi and I will meet up, let alone continue to talk with one another after quarantine is over. As the world and I recover and try to figure out what our new “normal” is, I’m interested in keeping my flirting muscles flexed and seeing where things go.
Written by: Nicole Kirichanskaya
